I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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