my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
