The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
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