That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
