i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
