im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
