So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
