i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Dick very happy bro
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Randomize
