Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize