i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
