VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
me + whiskey = a bad person
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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