dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
