My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
