thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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