You're earring is so big in my mouth
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
