Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize