Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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