Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize
