i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
