My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
