"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
