Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
