she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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