You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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