I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I need to align my fucking chakras
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
