capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I deserve this hangover.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
