So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize