i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Randomize
