The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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