I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
