yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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