the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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