tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize