Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
