We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
