Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I wish i was in the wii world.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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