Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
