At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Holy sore nipples Batman
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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