That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
