I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
