the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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