she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
