dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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