Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
