I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
