Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
