I want to make a zoo with you.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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