i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
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