White coat. Heels.
The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
