Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
