I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
