i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
