she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
