not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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