Don't make out with my wife yet
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I lost the right to judge tonight
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
