Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Randomize
