Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
