She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
