You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
