If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
