He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
