yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
