he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
