Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Randomize
