True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
