thus making me awesome and them whores
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
