could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
you win again, gameday.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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