i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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