I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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