True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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