never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
