Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
