it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
