Who did Billy Mays play for?
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Randomize
