I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
