just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
