i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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