I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
