ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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