at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
