She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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