Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
