remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
