so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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