you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
My penis needs a shock collar
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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