So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize