Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
