I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
