did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
That reminds me...we need to get swords
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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