dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
