I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
