My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
