Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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