Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
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