Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
