Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
