Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
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