We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
