The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
