i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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