Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
