Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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