How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
