dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
