I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Randomize
