Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
