Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
