is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
