I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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